I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the condom got lost in my hair
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
