I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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