Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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