oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
