I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Randomize
