So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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