First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
