Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
