Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
