and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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