All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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