trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
