Plan B is the new Plan A
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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