Screwed.edu
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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