Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
