you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
