so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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