Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
