The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
