We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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