I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
