he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
