So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
