It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im holly from the hills drunk
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
