And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
