you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
