I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
