I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have feelings that need drinking.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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