I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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