i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just googled if crying burns calories
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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