I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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