I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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