I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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