There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
