I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
