Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
