I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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