how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
