Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I know her cup size but not her name....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
