i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
