i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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