no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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