are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
