What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
