he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
