its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
