Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
