I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
