Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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