My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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