Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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